Seeing Life Through My Baby's Eyes: September 2005

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

What Experts Say

Like what experts would say, nothing can really prepare anyone on this new role of being a parent. There'll be so many emotions, changing every day, every hour, every minute. So much to do, on so little time, or should I say, on so little sleep. That is normal! I am having separation anxiety knowing that I have to go back to work next week! Waaahhh!

If you talk to new parents, you'd realize that they have all struggled with these same things as long as babies have been born and all it takes is just awareness, preparation and confidence in one's self. More importantly, new mothers should learn more on the so-called "postpartum blues" - feelings that can be as simple as just feelings of sadness (all of a sudden you'd cry from the thought that you're a bad mother which was what happened to me...thank God!) to thoughts of harming the baby or harming yourself. These emotions can be overpowering so it's important to know how to address them. Here is an article I found that have some suggestions on how to manage it all:

THE FOURTH TRIMESTER: WHAT TO EXPECT & WHAT TO DO

In the United States, new mothers often stay in the hospital for 48 hours or less—and then have little or no help with their new baby once they’re at home. And despite their careful preparation for childbirth, they may not be ready for the emotional and lifestyle changes that await them. The end result can be a heaping of stress and anxiety.

To keep positive in the first days and weeks at home with your baby—and to keep postpartum tension from becoming all-encompassing—it helps to understand what emotions you may have, and how to cope with them. What follows are some of the most common problems you may face:

Worries About Your New Roles. Continuous responsibility for an infant can be an overwhelming experience. On top of this comes a major change in relationships. Your twosome has become a threesome, and you’re now drawn compellingly into a relationship with your baby, even though you may be trying to maintain the same relationship you previously had with your partner.

The birth also results in major changes for the new father. Starting with the baby’s first cry, it’s common for dads to feel an enhanced concern about meeting the financial needs of the family. For both of you, the euphoria associated with the birth may soon be pushed aside by tensions about meeting the baby’s needs, maintaining a relationship with each other and adjusting to new realities.

For couples to bear up under the fatigue, each partner needs to make a major effort at being understanding, supportive and communicative. It’s hard to imagine just how tired you can become when your baby’s needs do not follow any normal day-night schedule. Taking turns with the nighttime watch can help, but it’s equally important for both of you to express your feelings.

Unrealistic Expectations. Your idea of what a “good mother” should be has likely been built up to such an unrealistic level by magazine articles and advice books that you may exhaust yourself trying. If that happens, you may have little tolerance for the many minor problems that naturally arise during the early care of your infant. So, keep your expectations realistic. Don’t push yourself to keep everything as perfect as it was before. Give yourself permission for rest, time-outs and brief, pleasurable outings. And let go of those “gold standards” of household or other work.

Necessary Losses. The joy of becoming parents is accompanied by what the writer Judith Viorst calls “necessary losses”: loss of the exclusive relationship with the partner, loss of many of the activities the parents participated in together, loss of the daily contacts with colleagues (for the parent who remains at home with the baby), loss of income. These many changes for both father and mother, plus multiple hormonal changes in the mother, may cause emotions to go up and down.

During this precarious time, a number of things, from keeping your expectations realistic to forming a strong attachment to your baby, can help you to feel less anxious. If you have time to really get to know your infant in the first few weeks, you’ll feel much more confident as a mother. So use this time to keep your baby close—to hold, soothe and love your child. When this happens, you’ll find that the strong bond you have with your baby will help you to cope with the many other adjustments that are now taking place. You’ll feel better about your child, about yourself and about your new life.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

6-week old's development

Today, we tried to wake her up because she's been sleeping for 10 straight hours and I'm getting worried that she hadn't had any milk yet. She gave us a smile even with her eyes close. She recognizes our voice! Awesome! As for the sleep part, I insisted Kurt to call the nurse and ask if that's ok. I was embarrassed because she told us instead "Well, you should be thankful! You have a good baby." And that gave me a sigh of relief and a very big grin for that matter!

Experts believe that 50% of the babies this age can identify their parents and this is one of the signs that the baby is becoming more attuned to what's going around him/her. And since she's awake for longer periods of time during the day, I use these times to support her sensory development and enhance her music appreciation. I sing to her all the time! Haha! And when she's busy jabbing or looking around, I play to her some mozart! But like everyone else, since they don't know how to talk yet, I look for cues from her if she's enjoying it or not. She coos when she likes it! I am careful though of overstimulating her since she'll cry, look away, tense up, arch her back and become irritable! I don't like that at all so I do make sure she also gets her quiet time.

As for her sense of sight, I bought this contrasting crib mirror from geniusbabies.com. Experts say that baby can see very well a highly contrasting colors and that triggers neurodevelopment too!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

On Parenting Tips

7 LESSONS FOR NEW PARENTS (article provided by iVillage, Inc.)

1. Parents have needs, too. All of us need balance in our lives. Time for ourselves is not time stolen from our families—in fact, it’s necessary to replenish ourselves so that we have something left to give. It isn’t self-indulgent to take a nap, sit with a cup of tea, exercise or spend time with a friend.

2. Recovering from Childbirth Takes Longer Than Six Weeks. At six weeks, many women have not even had one good night’s sleep and are only beginning to think about the world outside the four walls of their home. Mothers who don’t push their recovery, but rather allow themselves the time they need to adjust physically and emotionally, fare much better than those who try to do too much too soon.

3. Your Baby’s Birth Is Not the End of the Pregnancy Experience. And you thought it was over in nine months! Actually, some of the most important work a mother does is to process the birth afterward—to work through it in her mind, to make sense of what happened and to match what she felt on the inside with what other people saw on the outside. The greater the discrepancy between what she expected and what she got, the tougher this task is.

4. Sleep Deprivation Is a Very Big Deal. There’s nothing like having a baby to change the value you place on sleep. Never again in your life will you take sleep for granted; it moves right up there with food and water as a life necessity.

5. Mothers and Fathers Are Different. Several studies in the last decade have shown that both men’s and women’s styles of parenting bring valuable benefits to babies. Fathers tend to be more playful and physical, which encourages muscle development and motor skills, whereas mothers tend to interact in quieter, more soothing ways, which stimulate language and cognitive development. The best thing for babies is to have both parents actively involved in daily care.

6. With Every Change, There Is Loss. We’re all aware of the indescribably wonderful joys that come with having a new baby. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of having a sweet-smelling newborn nuzzle into your neck. But the birth of a baby also brings some necessary (though, fortunately, often temporary) losses—loss of your familiar lifestyle, loss of freedom, loss of income. The appropriate reaction to loss is grief, and the only way to get to the other side of grief is to move through it.

7. Get By with a Little Help from Your Friends. Parenting was never meant to be done alone. We all need people around us who can show us the ropes, lend a helping hand and provide reassurance and encouragement.

Above all, remember that adjusting to parenthood takes time. Recognizing and discussing this early on can give you a real head start as you begin your journey into parenting.